Being Alive is more important than being seen: Reclaiming boundaries between work and home
After a hospital scare in December that landed me in the hospital for nine days, I realized something that shifted me at my core: being alive is more important than being seen.
I found myself questioning what being seen even means.
Does it mean showing up every day for work—just to get the same results, the same calendar invites that could’ve been emails, and the same “we’ll revisit this next quarter” conversations?
Does it mean appearing at an event simply to say, “Hey, I was there”?
Or does being seen truly mean having the ability to set boundaries within the different domains of your life—work, home, family, health, and self?
For me, the answer became clear: being seen without being well is not success. Presence without peace is not alignment.
Why Your Life Feels Like Two Tabs Open (And Both Are Buffering)
As I continue my research focused on mothers whose identities do not hold power or privilege in America, I was drawn to Work–Family Border Theory (Clark, 2000)—or as I like to call it, “Why your laptop and your laundry basket are always fighting for your attention.”
This theory explains how individuals struggle to feel balanced when the borders between work and home are too permeable, meaning distractions easily cross from one domain into the other (like when your Team’s notification and your child’s cough happen at the exact same time).
When there is low flexibility in work and home, conflict increases. And when conflict is high, we begin to feel split between two worlds. That constant feeling of being torn can be exhausting, overwhelming, and deeply stressful, especially when both worlds are convinced they are the priority.
Real Life
A picture of my worlds colliding all at once to reach the goal of finishing school, raising a child, and attaining my career aspirations.
Let’s be real for a minute and recognize some familiar ways home can interrupt work (just wink or give a nod when you recognize one):
The school nurse calls and says your child has been coughing all day and needs to be picked up within the hour, but this is also the exact moment your boss scheduled a “quick check-in”.
Your partner calls you looking for an important envelope that you specifically said would be by the door before leaving in the morning; however, the envelope has now mysteriously disappeared into another dimension (which is more than likely right in front of his eveys).
Your elderly parent is hospitalized, and you need to leave work immediately to understand what’s happening and what comes next, while trying not to drive in a panic and think about how that last conversation at work didn’t go as expected..
Now let’s flip it—when work interrupts home:
A project is due by the end of the week, and you need “just two hours each night” to finish. Cue early bedtimes, partner negotiations, or a good old-fashioned game of rock, paper, scissors.
Work calls and asks you to come in early because someone called out, and the corporate’s national leadership team is visiting this week.
You’re trying to level up in your career, so your next move is constantly on your mind - even when you’re supposed to be resting, relaxing, or pretending to relax.
These situations are normal. They’re human. And realistically, they can’t always be avoided because people are unpredictable, and life doesn’t follow a calendar invite.
Somewhere along the way, many of us started believing we could do everything at once.
Such as being the present mother, the high-performing professional, the supportive partner, the emotionally regulated daughter, the friend who responds to every single text and call, and the woman who drinks enough water and stays perfectly healthy!
Let me save you some time: that woman does not exist.
And if she does, she’s definitely tired too.
Superwoman does not exist…
From Work–Life Balance to Peace of Mind
I often talk about tools for work–life balance, but here’s the real truth: perfect balance is hard to achieve. However, peace of mind is possible.
Peace comes from understanding which domain—work or home—needs your mental and emotional energy in this moment, and giving yourself permission to respond accordingly (without guilt, shame, or a 12-step apology tour).
So here’s a simple framework to help you navigate the two worlds:
Step 1: Identify the Domain
Ask yourself: Which domain is causing the most distraction right now: work or home?
Step 2: Understand the “Why”
Use a simple fishbone-style reflection to get to the root cause:
Sick child?
Financial stress?
Divorce or relationship strain?
Aging or ill parent?
Difficult boss?
Pressure of deadlines?
Step 3: Create a One-Step Plan
Yes—just one step. Not a 10-point action plan. Not a life overhaul.
What is the one immediate action you can take right now to feel a little bit of peace?
(And no, “figure out my entire life” does not count as one step.)
Step 4: Find an Accountability Partner
Choose someone who can support you in building the rest of the plan—without judgment, guilt, or unrealistic expectations.
The Truth About Blending Work and Home
There is no easy path to creating a healthy blend between work and home. But there is a permissible path forward: one built through awareness, boundaries, support, and self-trust.
You are not failing because life feels heavy.
You are navigating complex systems while holding multiple roles, which takes authentic and sustainable leadership.
And leadership starts with you.
You don’t need to master both worlds today.
You just need to be honest about which one needs you most—and stop pretending you can clone yourself by Thursday.
A Butterfly Rising Reflection 🦋
At Butterfly Rising Institute, we believe that rising does not mean doing more, but means becoming more aligned. It means learning to honor your capacity, protect your energy, and lead your life with intention rather than exhaustion.
Being alive is more important than being seen.
And being well is more powerful than being everywhere.
You’ve got this. And you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re ready to explore tools that help you feel more grounded, empowered, and aligned, I invite you to schedule a call with me to learn how Butterfly Rising Institute supports mothers in rising—without burning out.
Because the goal isn’t to be everywhere.
The goal is to be whole.
Let’s Stay Connected
If this post resonates, follow me on social media so you can stay updated on all our new events and content on how to rise as you face life’s transitions.
Starting in the Spring of 2026, we will start Butterfly Haven, a monthly space where we’ll talk about life, transitions, and everything in between - I’d love to see you there!